As I spy and then pluck a single silver strand from the glow of my dome, I find myself … hesitantly happy.

I find a joy inside that I haven’t in a long time. Just tangled between the worries of not worrying, I find my mind sitting in the now.

Maybe it’s the running I’ve picked back up again? Being outside in the fresh air and moving my body for sure makes me feel good, and I have found personally how crucial it is for my everyday chance of bliss. But no, it’s something else…

It for sure isn’t my social media career, my followers have dropped and this girl still has no plan. Oddly, however, I find myself even more charged up to fight back, push forward and keep the ship going. I don’t think we need to have just one dream in our lives, we can have many, and we can chase many at once. And this is one of mine. So maybe just the fire inside to keep going has brought me a happiness I’ve longed for?

I’ve had a couple wins at work, perhaps those are causing my inner sun to shine? The seeds are planted, and the roots seem to have taken, but still the growing has yet to begin and I know each of those fruits has a long way to go. But the soil is good, and I keep watering daily. Grow little guys :)

Personally I tend to toggle the line of extreme internal chaos and ready to join the peace corps - so that’s certainly not aiding into my new found bliss?

so what is it?

As I sit here and grab another mini handful of mini chocolate chip cookies, I realize it’s all of that. And it’s none of that. I’m finding myself, I’m growing into myself, and I’m creating my own world.

I’m recognizing my body growing older, pushing to defy the odds and allowing the parts of my heart and mind that combat each other on the reg, to keep fighting it out to the death.

I’m hesitantly happy :)